The last thing I remember is falling down a dark hole.
I woke up on a stoney crooked path.
I looked around and I saw some cracked and crumbling houses.
I shiver in fear as I stand up.
I go to the doors of the houses and knock but there is no answer.
I looked ahead of me and I could see beautiful clouds in the distance, the sun was shining through onto my face.
I saw a stranger in the shadows so I walked towards them.
The sun kept shining brighter each time I took a step closer.
When I got there a man was standing right in front of me.
It was Jesus Christ, the Lord.
It felt glad and brave, and I think I am home now.
Kia ora Finley. Wow what an emotionally charged piece of writing. I love the description you have used such as 'stoney crooked path' and 'cracked and crumbling houses'. As a reader it allows me to really picture the scene in my mind. One thing I would like you to try is changing the beginning of your sentences - remember how we learnt about using verbs or adverbs to start a sentence? E.g. instead of 'I shiver in fear as I stand up' you could try 'Shivering in fear, I stand up'. Keep up the awesome work!
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